Carol Manglos: Blog/Journal/Ramble

If you look at a picture of Tug McGraw and his "alleged" son, the country singer Tim McGraw, you will not wonder if they are related. In fact, seeing his son's face caused Tug to say "yes, that's my son." You may remember Tug McGraw as a relief pitcher for Philadelphia, and a looooong time ago, for the Oakland A's.  He played ball, and he played around.  No brag, just fact.  So, when Tim's mother claimed Tug as the father, one look told Tug it was true. (I put the hat on Tug for emphasis!)  Thank you, photoshop.

Tug fathered a son that looks JUST LIKE HIM.  He has the DNA, and there's no mistaking the paternity there. When confronted, the evidence made it impossible to object.

  So this makes me think.  We, as Christians, have a transplanted DNA, if you will. We are grafted into the Kingdom of our heavenly Father.  The scripture says we are being made into the image of Christ, the firstborn of many brothers (and sisters!). 

As we grow in Christ, we begin to look more and more like him.  We become more patient.  We become more objective.  We have more Grace: That sort of thing. It is the goal.

And, we have a model, One who has gone before, who can show us the way. 

 

When people look at us, and think "There's something about that person that is different, that's makes me feel special."  It just may be the Love of the Father filtering through us to a world in need of the Father's love.

I can see no higher calling, no greater honor than that.

Regardless of our humble, sinful, lowly estate, the Father has seen fit to make us like Him, to be conformed to the image of His very own son...that, we, may be called the "sons of God."

Now that's a game I want to play....

 

 

 

 

There is a scripture that says that "men will faint from terror, apprehensive of what is coming on the world, for the heavenly bodies will be shaken." luke 21:26

 

Wow.  And double wow. 

 

I don't really know fully what that means, but something in me shouts "hard times, ya'll."   I feel like maybe I'll lose some sleep or something.  Or be broke.  Or worse than that, GRIEVE.

 

It seems like if ever there was a need for courage, great courage, it is now.  You know when life is overwhelming you when you cannot read any more bad news: When the trial your friend is going through is too much for you, even though its hers or his.  When you start crying if you burn toast or forget what street you're on...too much emotion for that toast, but hey, maybe something else is going on?

I have a tendency to skip some prayer if things are going well.  You know, I'm in that good place where I know it's covered and I'm loved and what could go wrong?  But I become pretty dried out there as well, since having that intimate time with God has taken a back seat to American Idol or even Supernatural. 

(Now, I have to say, Supernatural is waaaaaay better than American Idol for staying in touch with God when you're really not in touch.  It's sort of like cleaning out your car in prep for the wash, but never really going through with it.  Hey, it makes sense to me.)

You smarties get the point: If ever there is a time to stay connected, it is NOW.  I daresay things will not get easier if even the "heavenly bodies" will be shaken.  (planets, not playboy bunnies)  That means, well...hard times y'all.

But staying connected gives us that courage we need to endure to the end.  None of us WANT to give up, I think: we just get overwhelmed and don't know what to do and are afraid, and maybe that was our last chance for toast since we're now out of bread.  I mean, no one plans to get overwhelmed.

I love those commercials that used to be on for insurance where the guy would say "I can't play tennis on Thursday, Nigel, because I'm going to break my arm when I trip over some carpet at work..."  or something like that.  The point was that no one plans for tragedy, so bulk up on that insurance policy. Makes good fiscal sense there....what about now, when we may be overwhelmed??

Well, something comes to mind.  (NO! Really?  To a clam like me? Astonishing.)

Simply, there is nothing, Nothing, NOTHING God cannot redeem.  I don't know how He does it, and sometimes I don't even know WHY He does it, but nothing can outdo, outsmart, outlast or out-love our God and King.  And remember this:

There is NOTHING than can separate us from the Love of God.  Neither heights, nor depths, nor anything that is in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of our God.  Romans 8:39

When you feel like fainting, speak this to your soul...and ask the Lord to add the exclamation points!

 

...you who have been tempest torn,

You who've lost your way

Whose trust has fled and faith has failed,

whose course is fragile and derailed,

He's mending now your nets, your sails

To sail again once more

 

...for His promise cannot hold a lie

His truth and love secure,

He has wounded, He will heal

And in His mercy whole reveal

the reasons for the pain that peel

The darkness from the Light

 

To live again and sail the sea:

The wind and waves of Life!

Your Father is not mad at you,

His plans are just;  holy and true,

What He has promised, He will do...

To give the blind their sight

 

God is not mad at you....He sings

His love song over you

In mercy He will draw you nigh

And sing the Father's lullaby

"My child, look here into my eyes,

See now what I will do...I am NOT mad at you"

 

 

clm, Feb. 2010

 

 

I am a woman of faith, on so many levels.

 

No brag, just fact.

 

For example, I am wearing sunglasses today.  Is the sun out?  I live in Sybercuse, you know the answer to that.  However, the sun could come out, possibly, and I'd be ready.  I endure the teasing of some co-workers to continue to wear my sunglasses in faith that I will indeed need them someday.

 

"Hey, Carol.  Why are you wearing sunglasses TODAY?"

 

Brutal.

 

Faith is different than hope.  Hope is something I do when I haven't taken my car in for maintenance for a very long time and I HOPE that it will keep running smoothly. 

 

Faith makes more sense than hope....

 

Faith is trust in something that is likely, versus hope in something unlikely. So depending on your definition of "likely" you can go a long way with faith. 

You can travel some distance with hope as well...as long as you hope for something likely.

 

Okay, beyond that it gets confusing....have a hope-filled, faithful day, won't you??

 

 

"...now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen..."  Hebrews 11:1

Well, maybe because they are manipulating you!  Didn't expect that??  Well, let's be honest: we all want our way.  You say you don't?  Stop MANIPULATING!!

 

Seriously, there's an article tonight on Yahoo News about how you can tell if someone is manipulating you: I tried to go to the site, but it was TOO BUSY!  We all want to know how NOT to be manipulated.

It is very hard sometimes to say "No" to someone who really really REALLY wants you to do something THEY want you to do,  even though you know you cannot possibly have time for that and have just TODAY said you will not make any more commitments.

Some tricks Christians use, sadly, are things like:

"I REALLY believe God is saying this and that you should do________"   Fill in the blanks. "God said" carries a lot of weight in an argument to get you to do the desired deed.

WTTW: (word to the wise) If God is telling you to do that thing, wouldn't He have run it by you??  Seriously, at one time in our lives we had 5 different people telling us it was God's will that we be at their church: Unfortunately, it was 5 different churches! It is very difficult to stand your ground here, but ask yourself: "Do they understand what I'm dealing with? Do they even WANT TO KNOW?"

I recently had to tell a nun, for Heaven's sake, that I could not do the thing she wanted me to do.  Ask me if that was difficult?

 

I'm tormented....

 

But I had to say no. 

And so can YOU!  Get to a peaceful place to ask the Lord what HE wants you to be about:  It is Him that we follow, eh?  (Canada respond)

"Lord, is this You?  Do I do this thing?"  and look and listen for His response, via message on the radio, a dream you may have or even a whisper..."I'm not asking that of you."

 

Christmas is one of those seasons that has become a busy-fest to beat them all.  There is so much to do and so little time!  And, there are an awful lot of folks who have designs on you this season:  Set your limits via prayer and thoughtful meditation, and go with it...don't let the "shoulds" get to you!

 

You will have peace on Earth and goodwill towards men, guaranteed.

 

(p.s. If this message seems disjointed, it's because there are several things this season that I have NOT said "No!" to that I should-Not perfect, just forgiven!!!  ; ^ )

 

 

 

Okay, admittedly the first blog after a long hiatus should be deep....very deep. It should have insight beyond recognition and a lot of wisdom and depth and perhaps a few good recipes: the whole nine yards. However, I have decided to watch the world series this year. Some. Okay, not a lot, but I have to say I made an observation on my first game that will not leave my HEAD. So, since the game will be starting in a few minutes, just a pot of spaghetti away, I leave you with this: Does anyone besides me think that Derek Jeter looks like he could be Paris Jackson's father??

 

 

Go Yankeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees!!!

 

 

The Cost of Following Jesus

When Jesus saw the crowd around
him, he gave orders to cross to the other side of the lake. Then a teacher of
the law came to him and said, “Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go.”
Jesus replied, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have
nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” Another disciple
said to him, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.” But Jesus told him,
“Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.”

Wow. That's all I can say.

"Let the dead bury their own dead." Very few people will say a radical thing like this. What does it even mean?

There is a cost to following the Lord. We knew that, right?

But the cost gets even higher when you do things like speak your mind in church. Or challenge a pastor. Or radically, let the dead bury their own dead by refusing to rest in dead places. Choosing LIFE for yourself is often extremely offensive to those who have not the courage nor the willingness to follow suit. Because, you see, people don't always like change. I'm a person, I know. We like to be comfortable. There's even a local church that has a billboard in our town with a picture of a comfy couch and the caption is "comfortable." Yeah, church as we know it...comfortable.

But God as I have experienced Him is not always that comfortable. In fact, sometimes He's downright troubling.

Like the pool at Bethesda, God is often found troubling the waters of our lives, ripping out things that make us comfortable, taking away the soft places to land so that our only dependence is in Him, on Him. And like that same pool, it heals us.

Because comfort is never our greatest need: Our greatest need is to know our need of Him, and to find that He is all we need.

And often God uses those that don't seem to fit, those hobos with no place to lay their head to proclaim the things that the comfortable ones will never say.

And we will be like Him....

There is a phrase in a rare old book called "No one Hears But Him". This book is by Taylor Caldwell, and in one of the incredible chapters of this book it is asks, and I'm sure this phrase is elsewhere:

"Watchmen, what of the night?"

There are few decisions made that change the course of history as we know it, and the decision that is made regarding the situation in this following clip, in my opinion, may very well be one of them:

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?rn=3906861&cl=15032096&ch=4226713&src=news
If you cannot get this clip to run, I will tell you it is about a young 17 year old girl from a devout Muslim family who has left home in fear of her life after her conversion to Christianity. It is commonly life-threatening to convert from Islam in the Islamic world: Not so common in the Bread Basket of the United States of America as is the case with this girl.

What will be the decision?

You may think the decision will be obvious: this girl will work it out with her family and go home: This is AMERICA.

I hope you are right.

In America, it is not against the law to be religious, or even to choose which religion you will follow. That is one of the greatest freedoms in our country. But don't underestimate the enemy we have: the real enemy of our faith is a conniving, highly intelligent being: I am talking about the devil himself. It is not the people of other religions that are our enemies: We are in a spiritual war, a war where the spiritual opposition finds the object of our affections particularly distasteful. And, for those who embrace Him...well, there can be trouble.
He will try to frighten us into giving up the basic tenets of the faith that we once fiercely defended.

I hope I am wrong: I hope they work this out and it becomes a slight memory. But if indeed the father of this girl wants to, or even attempts to kill her in this country (for some religious custom) and is not prosecuted to the full extent of the law for premeditated murder, than we are in a lot of trouble.


Watchpeople: What of the night? I'm just saying.....

Okay, there is this Amy Grant song, see. It's called "Everywhere I Go." Some of the lyrics go a little like this:

Everywhere I go/I see Your face in a crowd/Everywhere I go I hear Your voice clear and loud

You've got the gist of it. Now think of that song when you listen to this link:

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?rn=3906861&cl=14564294&ch=4226726&src=news
For those who cannot access this link, it is a story about seeing the Virgin Mary (nothing new) in a spot of bird poop. (brand new)

I know, I'm stepping on some toes. Let me be as gentle as possible when I say this:

THIS IS RIDICULOUS. And stupid.

Can a bird not eat a few multi-colored berries without the pressure of evoking an icon when all is said and done?? C'mon people: BIRD POOP?

Let's be rational about this for ONE MINUTE PLEASE. Why would the Virgin Mary, whose mortal body housed the King of Kings, return in a visage of bird poop? Of all the places she could appear, assuming that is her goal in the first place, why would she choose this medium? Even the people that saw her in the grilled cheese sandwich are wincing at this one!

I think that I can help here a bit, and I'm not trying to be mean, really I'm not. But one of the first lessons in artistic rationality (a term I just made up...this situation calls for a new term, dontcha think??) is this:

Sometimes things look like other things. Very simple.

I have seen clouds that look like giant puppies, but my AR (artistic rationality) says, "There are no REAL giant cloud puppies: that would be so scary! These are clouds that LOOK like giant puppies." End of story.

Artistic rationality is a TOOL, people. Tools are useful for fixing things, right?

Here's another example. I see a guy that's a dead ringer for Charlie Manson. He's walking down Salina St. and I pass him by. Without AR, I would of course begin shouting at him as to why it is wrong to butcher people with their own forks and just plain be as weird as he is. But, when my AR kicks in, I say to myself:
"Charlie Manson is in prison forever and has no idea where Salina St. is. This is a man that only LOOKS LIKE Charlie Manson."

You see: it's easy. Anyone can have AR, and now I'm going to take a leap of faith here (as it were) and say this:

"That bird poop LOOKS LIKE the Virgin Mary. Even more than the sandwich and the oak tree, that looks like the VIrgin Mary. But, guess what: it's not really the Virgin Mary: It is some kind-of-colorful bird poop."

And then I move on. (no pun intended) Maybe I go shopping, maybe I take a jog. Perhaps I get my hair done or find a great garage sale. But what I don't do is pray to the bird poop, or bring it any flowers.

As I've said before, what spills out of my typewriter keys here is only my opinion. I am willing to find out I'm full of _______ on this (fill in the blank...be creative) but for now, it's where I stand on the issue.

I only wish I had placed that napkin shaped like Texas up on ebay....sigh.

I have a friend who is a new Christian. What I mean by that, is he embraced the Christian faith as truth and chose to follow Jesus in his life.

Done...right?

Not so fast. Recently at his place of employment a man has come to work there who hit it off with my friend. That's good, right?

Well, it depends on who you talk to. You see, the one thing this new guy has brought to the table is a HUGE well-honed doubt of all things Christian. Not hard to find these days, to be sure. So, my friend has been inundated with the doubt of a staunch unbeliever, and the results are historically predictable:

My friend is now doubting his relatively new-found faith.

Uh-huh. How strategic is that? You might think the enemy of his soul is doing this big-time, right under God's sovereign nose.

That's one perspective. But what if God himself is allowing it? It is a secure Creator who can entrust his new children to a sea of doubt and know they will come through it, stronger and more secure in their faith.

Oh, it WILL get ugly. There might be some pain and regret throughout this process. But when you are a Creator, a Deliverer AND a Redeemer, you have the bases covered.

So, bring it on, Doubter Boy. God will keep his child in the faith, because it is HIM, not us, who sustains us.

This could just all be part of the plan: an unpredictable strategy that is sure to bring fruit, the kind of fruit that has been tested by the fires of doubt and remained.....




...."Lord, let a little rain fall down/let it nourish the fruit, that was tried and remains/Send your rain."

from Send Your Rain
Winsome/1996
(this song has been posted in its entirety today...give a listen!)


"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings." 1 Peter 5:8-9

I see it every year. It's right in front of us, the most obvious of addictions, and yet...the one we talk about the least. I feel a certain level of responsibility to awaken the public to a scourge that is not going away....

I am talking about lawn ornaments, people, and the addictions thereof.

As spring approaches, I look forward to the flowers, the birds returning, and the leaves blossoming on the trees but I dread, totally dread the lawn ornaments.

It starts out innocently enough. (Remember, we're not considering a flag a lawn ornament, unless you stick one in your garden.) You're heading out to get some plants and you see the cutest little bunny or stepping stone for your lawn. What's the harm?? Stop NOW. BLO (Before Lawn Ornaments) is the time to stop, not when you've procured the cute bunny: You will only be jonesing for more. ("Jonesing" is a 60's phrase, i believe, and it means longing, hungering, wanting it big-time badly!) If you buy that bunny, it will only be a few short years before you will have a yard full of windmills, bent-over butt ladies, the cool silhouette guys leaning against your trees and all the bears and sheep that seem to follow him around even though he doesn't have the time of day for those rascals, and you will not get out of it without a few shiny balls and frogs and flamingos.

Yikes. And don't get me started on the fountains.

Fountains are most insidious because WHO DOESN'T WANT ONE? It's the cocaine of lawn ornaments.

Let me tell you a sad story. I once knew a man who had a very nice LAWN. End of story. No ornaments, just nice green grass. But lo, the man "jones-d" (sp??) for his neighbors many multitudinous lawn ornaments. So he applied the five-finger discount to a few and got caught red-handed.

"What? I don't know where those huge pink flamingos came from!"

So they took the nice addicted man off to jail. (They should have taken his neighbor as an accessory, but that's another story) Anyway, he does his time. When he gets out, he has lost everything, I see him on the street one day looking worn and ragged. He's so skinny I see his bones through his clothes. I offer him some change for a cup of coffee and maybe a bite to eat. He refuses, and says to me:

"Thanks, Carol, but I really just need.....a lawn ornament. Could you get me one? Huh??? HUH?"

So, so sad. Did this really happen? No, it didn't. But I took the liberty of making up this story to make a point to you guys: Hey, wake up to the PROBLEM OF LAWN ORNAMENTS.

Save the state some money, and yourself some grief, eh? (Oh Canada, pretending YOU don't have this problem!)

Anyway, take this for what it's worth: Someone who cares about you and wants you completely free of this problem, once and for all.

By the way: I am proud to say, I stopped at a mosaic stepping-stone and a garden stone with a cutesy saying on it. I have wanted others, but resisted. However, there is that fountain at Ollie's.....?





No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. 1 Corinthians 10:13

Well, the family-plan Verizon-phone is charged up and I'm just a' waitin for the calls to pour in. Grateful children, grown and yet so eager to wish me a Happy Mother's Day.

(I ALWAYS capitalize it. )

You can blame Hallmark if you want...that's what my friend Nancy thinks. If it wasn't for them, we would think it was just like any other day, and expect nothing different.

Wait.

Except for the grueling hours of labor, the incessant crying, colicky nights and the teenage years: No, it's not Hallmark that wants you to call and never forget.

It's MOM.

Hey, just be glad I'm not an angry mother from Queens. You would not live to call. Be GLAD YOU'RE ALIVE TO CALL. That's all I have to say.

(And, for those of us whose mother's have gone on to that great Hallmark shop in the sky, we can say a prayer and be thankful for the time we had with them on this earth.)

Okay, so it's a little annoying that mothers are the first to remind you of Mother's Day, and the last to stop talking about it when it's over. (It's OVER?? Already??) So we drop little hints and feign surprise a bit and cry some and just want a CARD ONCE IN A WHILE, HUH??

The point is, you wouldn't respect us if we wimped out on this one, after being so pushy for so long, now would you? Yeah, we're going to threaten to make it look like suicide if you don't clean your room, run over you with the car if you don't do your homework, call the cops if you speak to us like that one more time, and then pretend it's ok if you...gasp...

FORGET MOTHER'S DAY?

You're joking. Not only would you not respect us, we would definitely get no cards, candy or text messages. No, it's better this way. We want the candy, we want the cards...and even the text messages..(cursed technology!) and mostly because...

.... it's a big deal.

To raise a kid who thinks of others, for example. To have had the honor of the task, though not always an easy one. To see them grow into responsible adults, or to bear the burden if they don't: Not easy work if you can get it. Once the cord is cut, your heart changes, and you are never the same, NEVER. You feel their pain, their joy and their triumphs, even when they don't believe you. When you are ninety, and they are seventy, you wonder if they will make it home safe.

You are a mom. Always.

It's a big deal.




Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you. Exodus 20:12

Admittedly, there are some major gaps in my religious education. You have to attend class to learn things, right?

Well, skipping was my specialty.

But what I have lacked through the years in physical academic presence, I think I made up for with some old fashioned curiosity: Which is sort of how this education thing all started, I like to think.

(Okay, rationalization for not going to class. But I've changed and learned a lot about theology along the way. That's two ways in which I'm reformed.)

Anyway, we're officially on the down slope, rolling right towards Easter. That means, we're finishing up with what is known in the church as the season of Lent. Or, to some, "Giving Up the Good Stuff." That's a bit of a harsh way of looking at steering clear of say, the chocolate for a while, or shopping, or shopping for chocolate, or golfing, or golf clubs made of chocolate, or whatever indulgences one has that they feel necessary to "give up" for the season of Lent.

(Golf clubs made of CHOCOLATE? No more sharing bags for me...I want my own set)

Anyway, the point of "giving up" anything is to subdue ourselves, basically, and our appetites. It is also to recognize that which was given up, in a major way for us, which in fact was Christ Himself. Better than shopping or golf clubs, (chocolate or plain,) whether we can see and realize it in our hearts yet or not.

And it somehow, mysteriously, stills the soul.

If you take Lent to heart, and check yourself a bit, you can get a grip. I'm not one for rituals abounding, but I'm not against them, either, if they help. And I fully believe that there are those rituals that as humans, we benefit from.

I appreciate Lent. And I love Easter.

Not the bunny: The risen, victorious over sin and death Christ.

But the bunnies are cute. Especially the chocolate ones...yum.




Matthew 28:6:
He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay.

I'm growing some grass in my basement.

And it's legal.  Here's my progress:

Well, call me crazy, but I come from California with a guitar on my knee, and just TRY to get a good shot of wheat grass juice around these parts...so, I took measures in my own hands and now I'm the proud owner of a couple of trays of some of the best wheat grass, and ultimately, wheat grass juice, I've ever had.

Don't knock it if you haven't tried it.

Okay, okay.  It's an acquired taste, I'll grant you that.  But this junk is crazy healthy for you, and I've decided to put into practice more and more what I believe about getting healthy. 

When I lived in Southern Cal, I used to be able to go to a health food store (I think it was actually called the Wheat Berry) and for a buck or something, you could get a shot of fresh wheat grass juice.  That is where I acquired the taste for wheat grass, and avocados, and all of the other things that we know as "acquired tastes," that when you have them you go to extremes to find the stuff.  Case in point: Caviar.  'Nuff said.

By the way: I have not acquired a taste for caviar, and personally, think it's a joke of fisherman everywhere that unsuspecting people would pay big bucks for things they don't really like but think they are supposed to, you know?  It's a game, I tell you. 

Where am I going with all this?  Besides getting healthy, what is my point, at ALL?

Not sure.  Just wanted to post these pictures of the cutest little wheat grass in town, and perhaps, the ONLY wheat grass in my town.  So, it's special.  Isn't that enough?

Oh, and one more thing: Be healthy.  Really. Just do it. I want that for you.....

 


Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's. 1 Cor. 6:19

...there is a season.

And for snowmen, no exception to the rule. Look at the third picture down from the top:

http://www.corumdeo.com/hostbaby/merge?stage=photos
So, the cycle of death occurs once more, and at the end of its terminal leash is our giant snowman who smiled all winter as I drove the sub-zero roads to work each day. Good-bye, Popsi. It was nice having you around all in one piece for awhile, anyway. Perhaps Popsi will be back in another form next season: You know that the water that he was made of never goes away, right? Hey, were you awake in science class, or WHAT??

Yeah, so it melts, soaks in the earth, evaporates into the clouds, rains and snows down again and then...Abracadabra...next year we get more snowmen. Or, in Popsi's case, one GIANT guy who rocked my world.

Nobody minds that cycle, because it just happens, and there's not a whole lot we can do about it. Besides, that means spring is coming! And since I'm thinking a lot about the Church these days, and I'm wondering, just wondering how much of a parallel I can draw here.

What if there's a cycle to that organism we know as the Church, as well?

What if the church, little "c," has to die a bit, or even a LOT, so that the Church, big "C" can emerge? Eh? (Theology time, Canada)
The church seems to have become something that men (and women) have their hands all too tightly around, so much so that to actually let it go, or let it die in its present form would be nearly impossible: Too much invested, too much human identity wrapped up in it. In many ways, the church is no longer the Father's house at all, but merely a way for mankind to prove their "holiness." Hey, did you READ the Book? We are not holy. End of subject.

We are wholly, though. Wholly prone to wanting our own way. Wholly prone to thinking we are capable of understanding more about God than we are really able, thank-you very much Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. And sadly, wholly so often afraid to trust the Father with the peeling away of those other things we put our trust in, so that our trust can be rock-solidly put in God.

And so often that fear translates into forms and safe rituals with no life in them, like church buildings that used to house life but now are left as shells of what they once used to be.

Let it go. Take the things that bind us, the things that hold us and keep us from Him, and throw it to the wind.

Snowmen melt, people get old and die...the Church was never meant to be a rigid building, but an organism made up of "living stones."

That is us, alive in Christ. Whether here in this flesh, or there with the Lord. We move on in Him, we follow the cloud, or the burning bush, or the wind of the Spirit. But we never stay the same.

Just like Popsi.

RIP, Popsi. See you around.






...As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to him— you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. 1 Peter 2:4-5

I'm trying to figure out how to navigate through this world dense with suffering without losing most of who I am. You know the drill:

Why does God allow babies to die? Why does God allow people to do really crappy, evil things to each other? Why do people who have been good and faithful their whole lives have to die long and painful deaths?

And, it occurs to me that the answer to those questions is mostly...

I don't know.

Because He isn't telling me. Probably none of my business, eh? (wake up, Canada!) Kind of weird, too, because all this time, I thought I needed an answer to all those questions and many more.

I mean, DON'T WE NEED ANSWERS TO THOSE QUESTIONS?????

Well, let's see. If I'm asking the questions because I want to follow God, and then I find out I don't LIKE the reason why He allows such bad things to happen and then I'm pfhhhhttt....out. Well, that's one reason we ask the questions I suppose. Or that we don't want to serve a God who lets bad things happen, because what if He lets those kinds of things happen to...US?? Pfhhhhhhhht......gone again.

(you should hear that "gone" sound in person...quite impressive)

Anyway, the bottom line is, where are we gonna GO? Burly Peter the fisherman got it right when he said:

"Lord, where will we go. Only You have the words of eternal life."

True, God, but could you just be a little....DIFFERENT, please? Not so, let's say...Judgmental??

And then, I judge the Judge, and the true fruit of 'THE fruit' comes to bear.

Which is why I would have really loved to have had a few minutes with my sister Eve on that fateful day, so long ago in the garden.....


"Hey, Eve. What's up?"

"Not much. Just checking out this beautiful fruit. Want some??"

"Are you KIDDING ME?? If you so much as move into the no-fly zone of that fruit I will TAKE YOU DOWN, little lady. Listen, I respect your position as first lady of the planet and all, but sometimes a little tough love needs doing. So listen up: Move along, and don't let me CATCH you near this tree again."

Okay, this is assuming I would have any more self-control than Eve had, which of course....well, point being, that old tree was, and is, bad news for us.

We don't know the future, mistakenly assess the past, and expect that we have an accurate view of how things are! This is our humanness in a nutshell. And, unless we have a gift of discernment from God Himself, (which nobody really likes you to have, by the way) most of our assessments of how the world should be run are at best, faulty.

So, I've come to this conclusion that it might be good to attempt to avoid the Tree altogether: Those things that I don't understand, that I have no answers to, I can be ok with not having the answers. Instead of allowing it to make me question God every time something "bad" happens, (in MY estimation!) I will trust Him, or try to trust Him, and leave the knowledge of the good or the evil of the thing to God, where it belongs.

I bet that's what Eve's doing, even as we speak.

Er, type.






....On hearing it, many of his disciples said, "This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?"

Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, "Does this offend you? What if you see the Son of Man ascend to where he was before! The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life. Yet there are some of you who do not believe." For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them did not believe and who would betray him. He went on to say, "This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled him."

From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.

"You do not want to leave too, do you?" Jesus asked the Twelve.

Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God."
John 6:60-69

Well, we assume it's winter, don't we??

But do you really love something that you so desperately NEED? Snowmen are tethered to winter like babies on umbilical cords, and I'm going to say that it gets old after awhile. I don't want to presume, but who else is going to speak for them?

A bit about them.

First, we know they are men. The comical attempts to put breasts on snowmen are NOT appreciated by snowmen, I can assure you. They are a race that are individually created, unlike humans: Any attempt to "humanize" a snowman loses the essence of who they are. They do not procreate as humans do, they must each be created individually at the whim of a human or humans with enough snow and time on their hands to do so. So you can imagine how snowmen appreciate life, and how fragile it be.

Another seldom considered point: carrots do not make great noses. They certainly brighten up the ensemble, but they are literally useless as a tool for one of the most important senses that a snowman can possess, but to date have never possessed; and not for lack of desire, mind you. It's just that humans can't seem to give them something more functional to work with, so they're stuck in one place with it. Anyway, the snowmen are all cool about it, if you know what I mean.

And, a coat to go with the buttons would be nice. Snowmen may not be human, but it's kind of arrogant to think they don't notice there are buttons stuck to their chests with no coat.

Lastly, thanks for the top hat and scarf. No, seriously. With my nice wooden arms that never move and don't bend, I can REALLY FIX THEM WHEN THEY FALL OVER MY LITTLE EYES OF COAL OR COVER UP MY RAISIN MOUTH OR WHATEVER ELSE YOU MAKE MY MOUTH OUT OF WHEN YOU'RE COLD AND TIRED and ready to go in and don't even CARE anymore....

Woops. I think I just channeled some snowman anger.

Well, anyway I got some great shots of a HUGE snowman on the way to work yesterday that I posted in the photo gallery-check it out. http://www.corumdeo.com/photos.html
Because you have to learn to love winter when you live where I do, and snowmen like this big guy help us do that.



P.S. It's "Be nice to snowmen" week. You know what to do......

Okay, policy time.

But first-see this short clip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2CaBR3z85c
Pay particular attention to the 22 second mark where you see the beating heart. This is an actual ultrasound image.

I have been involved on and off in pro-life movements for 27 years, although I have always, throughout that time, been what one would call "staunchly pro-life." The reason I have been "on and off" in the movement, as it were, is because sometimes the people involved got really strange, if you know what I mean. I couldn't align with some of them because of this: It seemed they wanted to change things with their own anger over the issue, their own rage. It is my understanding that mankind's anger or rage or any transient emotion in the anger family does not bring about God's righteousness. (see James 1:20)

That said, I do think that every human who believes abortion is the answer to unwanted pregnancy should see one. Why not?? If you vote for it, you want to be informed. (Ideally...I know we set the bar pretty high here) Find out what all the hullabaloo is about! I mean, this is one of the most divisive, exciting "political-moral" issues that exists on our planet. Spice up a boring Saturday morning with a little computer research and leap mosh pit style enter the fray. Wheeeee!

Long before I knew about the Love and forgiveness of Jesus, I was a member of the "It's my body" crowd and entered twice into abortion clinics to do the deed that divides our country. I am here to tell you, it is not an easy answer. The shame and horror that people feel over this issue if they will LET themselves feel it is palpable, and seems better hidden and fiercely guarded. Some never even tell their best friends. However, as a counselor I know that this kind of pain never goes away when we stuff it: it just comes out somewhere else. We drink, we eat, we have relationships that are really, really bad for us...stuff like that. And until someone who knows that very pain tells us we can be forgiven and healed, we just don't know it.

Just because we think we have an answer doesn't mean it's a good one, or even close. In regards to abortion, there's a very interesting phenomenon: no matter how that momma got pregnant, whether rape, incest, a hot date, love at first sight, whatever, the results are the same: You have a growing child in there. Let's deal with THAT. Have some foresight to see that if we look at it squarely, and when we see the honest truth, the answers will have to change but they will be better answers: Not QUICK or lucrative answers, but better ones.

Speaking of "lucrative": You do know the abortion industry is a billion dollar industry, right? http://www.abort73.com/HTML/I-E-1-profit.html
For example: if you can't get an abortion as easily anymore, you will consider other options like adoption or raising the child yourself.

(I will stop and stress at this point that there are no easy answers to unwanted pregnancy. The easiest answer is to not get pregnant in the first place. All answers after that point are situational-recovery. The answers we need are those that will be the best for ALL concerned in the short term AND the long run)

Stop before you say that line "I could never give up a child for adoption." Please! I am in a crowd who only wish they had. You can give a child to an adoptive family who cannot have children and deeply LONG for one of their own. That is more life giving, more selfless and more enriching than the option of taking that tiny baby's life (okay, we'll call it a fetus. Fetus means "Young still in the womb." If the covering of skin on a momma's stomach makes a baby a fetus, let's go with that, but let's know what it means) and then having to deal with the guilt that comes with that: Or worse still, the hardheartedness that tries very hard to suppress the natural guilt response but slowly drives you crazy.

(It occurs to me that God is pretty against abortion as well, but you should ask Him yourself.)

So, anyway, as you know if you read here on any regular basis, I COULD go on, but my policy idea for Mr. President is simply this: Mr. President, take an afternoon off and go down and catch a viewing of a couple of different kinds of abortions. Take Michele and the girls too. If you've got the doodle dog yet, take him too, why not. (I have seen dogs watch T.V. and stuff like that, it's SO WEIRD) I think that after that, you may find your new policies on this issue take a turn, or at least I would hope so if you are as compassionate as you seem. Talk with a few woman and men who have had personal experience while you're at it, and watch and feel especially the deep groans of those who aborted the only child they could ever have, as I have seen and heard in my practice. There's nothing like personal experience to fill in the blanks, right? I know you believe that, so I'm just a bit confused as to all your new, agressive pro-abortion policy making regarding this issue. I assume you just don't really know what abortion is. Don't feel bad, it's kept pretty hush-hush, but seeing one will take care of that. Actually, you seem a bit of a crusader to me: You want to fight for those who can't fight for themselves, or it seems like you have a heart to do that, which is very cool.

So.....

What makes these little inner-womb guys so different?

Different is good...right??






Before I formed you in the belly I knew you; and before you came forth out of the womb I sanctified you, and I ordained you a prophet to the nations. Jeremiah 1:5

Ohhh my goodness. I've just been hit with a realization that left me speechless for nearly 4 seconds. (It's long, trust me.)

The president of these United States, The new Commander in Chief, the guy who holds the keys, has his hand on the trigger, stops the proverbial Buck...is

Younger than I am.


This is going to take a while to sink in: My head is spinning.

Apparently there's a birth certificate SOMEWHERE folks, because the date August 4, 1961 is emblazoned on it as the date of our president's birth. Yikes! That means, if my early math is as good as I think it is, that when I first donned a pair of nylons and was entering junior high school, my president was going into the fourth grade! Oh, man. I hope he was in a magnet school or was the practice class president or something REAL advanced. (You know there is no real class presidents, right? If you don't believe me, try remembering who your class "president" was, or what they ever did for you?? I do know the homecoming King and Queen were real, though.) It also means that when I was getting my braids pulled and learning how to whistle with one hand in kindergarten, (Thank YOU, Albert) my president probably was just learning to put words together into a sentence. ARRGGHH!

"I want President."

Good job, son!


You know, it occurs to me if things keep going on as they are, someday we will have a president who will not have yet been born whilst I was DANCING AT MY WEDDING!!! HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN??@!

Anyway, not being the only one born in 1958 I believe I am not alone, and somehow I get the feeling that a full-grown man who can tie his shoes, eat without dribbling, marry, have kids and get to be president at all probably can handle the job ahead of him just fine.

I just hope he sits up straight and keeps eating all his veggies, that's all.




Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe. 1Timothy 4:1

Wow, is all I can say.

I just read everything I can type my hands on about the airplane that went down in the Hudson yesterday...what an amazing story!

First I want to say, if you don't know this already:

NEW YORK RESCUE WORKERS ROCK!!!

My heart swells with pride (the good kind, not the kind that pretty much brought down the entire human race...thanks Eve) every time I hear a story about a brave rescue by a New York rescue worker, starting with 911. They are amazing. And, I'm not sure, but I'll bet we had New Jersey in there too...they're great too. You know, New Yorkers are tough, okay, maybe you think obnoxious sometimes, but hey: if you get dropped in a river somewhere, sometime, (presuming it wasn't done by the mob and you cease to breathe), and you need someone crazy and fast and willing to get out in a little boat and come and GIT YA, you're gonna want a NEW YAWKA, that's for sure. And I am from New York, so I may be biased, so if you want to brag a bit in the guestbook about your state or country's rescue workers, brag on. And of COURSE, kudos to the awesome pilot, who has a myspace worship page created for him already...with all due respect, I sorta figured he's had his!

Anyway, I've learned so many things and one of them is this: I never knew, nor have I ever had the occasion to know that the leftover remains, ie bits and pieces of birds that bring planes down is called "snarge." Yes it is.

Now PLEASE. What highly educated bloke came up with that? Tell me it's an acronym, or tell me it's short for "Snargulus Reculus." You can read about it here:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/howbirdscandownajetairplane
Well, who names anything these days. After watching password on TV for a few times, I have lost faith in those who name things, except for Adam. I'd say Eve too, but I'm still kind of mad at her.

Anyway, I just wanted to give a bit of a tribute to some heroes who are like a bunch of giant energizer bunnies: They take a licking and keep ticking. Or is that Timex watches?? Yes, it is! They are like both Timex watches and Energizer bunnies and who knows what else and I'm so glad they chose the field they chose, and if it wasn't so @#$%^%$ cold up here in the north country, I would take my ski cap off to them.

Come spring, that is what I am going to do.....





Be strong and let us fight bravely for our people and the cities of our God

1 Chronicles 19:13

I saw the presidente elect (is it President with a capital? He was AT the capital...I'm confused) ANYWAY, I saw the Presidente elect at the capital today. Not in real life, but it was reality TV, you know? (P.S. You must say President-ay, like that. Isn't that a lot more interesting that plain old President? Hey, we're snowed in again up here, I'm goin' nuts, sue me.)

My point is, I heard him speak and I like what he says a LOT. It's everything nice. I think he really believes it, too, or at least he seems genuine when he says it. Mr. Obama ate in the poor section of DC and wants to bring the town together as one.

AND I WANT IT TOO.

I want the wars to end. I want Washington DC to be one big happy town, without the have's and the have not's duke-ing it out in midtown. ("Duke-ing" is just a nice, old-fashioned way of saying blowing your head off, in case you've never been to a REAL big city) I want the Extremist Anybody's to come out of the woodwork and say a big "Sorry" to the Rest Of The World, and start playing NICE. (And why don't you guys spread a bit of those church offerings and oil money around while you're making amends...have you seen our taxes lately???) I want us not to be greedy humans anymore, and to stop hurting people especially the very very young and the very very old. You know, the ones who can't help themselves?

And where are all the boy scouts? Line the old ladies up and get those boys out there...we have some streets to cross.

I see city streets where the vendors don't have to be afraid to be robbed, where young girls can play outside without getting picked up by perverts and raped, tortured and killed, and where parents spend time with their kids instead of wishing they were still kids themselves...everything nice.

And since I'm on a roll here and I'm known as Dr. Leo Marvin to a few close friends, (well, one friend) I see a land where everyone has dealt with their STUFF. You know...STUFF. The stuff that won't let you see that you're really kind of just being a jerk, but it's pretty ok because Jesus really DOES LOVE YOU. He's not making that up. And you don't have to defend, and you don't have to protect, and you don't have to excuse...because that's already been done in blood for you...so just say thank you. (or...thank You, with a capital.)

And the Lion will lay down with the lamb, and as impossible as this sounds even Jerry and Newman will get along, yada yada yada.

Have I missed anything here?

Oh, my gosh, yeah.


People would love the Lord.

I almost forgot that part!

I hope Mr. Presidente doesn't.

Just read this article:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/space/mysteryroarfromfarawayspacedetected
Once again, I can see the scientists all up-in-a-room somewhere getting paid to watch and listen for stuff. (I was gonna say how cushy that sounded, but it's kinda what I get paid for, so I'll keep my pie hole closed for now...on that subject at least) Anyway, so there's this distant roar coming from somewhere in the Universe.

Cool, huh?

Maybe it's a cosmic burp. Or, it's the sound of all those trees that fell in the forest when no one else was around, and they just plain added up.

Or, it might be Aslan.

Whoo hoo.

He's coming.

And you do know who HE is, don't you???

As Annie Herring would say, it's just a roar of Love. And me?

I'm getting a room ready.

In the book of Matthew it says that "The Kingdom of God suffers violence, and violent men take it by force."

I have heard all types of explanations for what this means in my history as a Christian, but the Greek word for violence here literally means to "press upon by force."

Does that remind you of any Churches you have been to lately? Or people you know who are Christians?

Just as when Jesus came as a fragile child in a stable, the true Church comes in a way that the aggressive, the violent and the ambitious are unable to see. Because to the ambitious, there is no apparent virtue in humility. If you think that strange, you are obviously not one of the true ambitious of the world. Humility to them is worthy of disdain, because anyone who would willingly lower themselves when they have the ability to do otherwise is actually a fool, in their estimation.

And having been a member of the Body of Christ for about 30 years now, I've seen a lot. I have seen the ambitious in the pulpit, oh yes I have. And I often mis-believed that indeed, the "violent" as described in Matthew were the shining, strong ones who would have the Church as their own because they had the fortitude to grab it from the hands of their weaker, wimpier brothers. And of course, I was one of "Them." Ouch.

The Church does indeed suffer violence, and things will continue to be pressed upon the Church daily that are really not from the heart of God: This has been from her beginning and will continue until all is made right, I am sure.

But the Church, the Bride, will be made whole and pure, because the Lord said she would: Not by the might of men, but by the Spirit of God. And the strength of the true Bride-Church is the resting and the waiting on the Lord and the words that He has spoken. Everything will come to pass, as He has said. He came for His Bride: He has "Christmas'd" and "Easter'd" for her, and He will not give up because others want to make His prize their own. No, in some ways I bet that makes the winning much more pleasant! He is, after all, a Warrior.

I have posted a new Christmas song, and like I said, though I have had some rough church-spots in my day, the recording of this song with the beloved Believer's Chapel Choir (circa 2003) was not one of them...the song also features Bob Papaleoni, amazing on drums and Scott Brisk, amazing on electric guitar. Also, David Foster plays a tasty harmonica as we were still together as Winsome at this time.


"For him who has ears, voices cry in the night, shepherds leave their fields, like wise men they follow the Light, Heaven has humility, a baby is a King...hear the angels sing."


Merry Christmas, y'all!

If I could say something to Sarah Palin, which, If my highly knowledgeable and accurate political calculations are correct, there is an excellent chance of that NEVER happening, I would say this:

You are banging your head against the wrong glass ceiling.

Yep, that's what I would say. You see, if this election in America has shown me anything, it is that the emphasis on outward appearances is alive and well in this country, and quite possibly the world. (I include the world because the "outward appearance" emphasis is a very human thing, and as politically astute as I am, I observe that the world is made up of: You got it. Humans. And, to my knowledge, I think only humans empasize the outward appearance: Have you ever seen a black dog refuse to mate with a white one?? I think not)

Anyway, Sarah should know darn good-and-well that pretty girls can't be smart, too! It's not fair, right? Pretty AND smart? I don't think so. And after seeing David Letterman's comment on youtube concerning how Sarah affects HIS libido, I would advise her to not get on top of ANY glass ceiling! Do you want the entire world looking up your dress??

My point here is this: Our outward appearance-sex-driven society has been part-and-parcel to creating a bunch of people who cannot get past their own libido, nor do they think they even should. (Or did the sex-driven people create the society?? I can never tell!) Even the president of Pakistan couldn't get it together and say something intelligent in Sarah's presence. All he could mumble was "You are gorgeous."

Yeah, she is. Get over it! You run a freakin' country, dude. You ought to be able to get past this. I believe....

And I maintain that the glass ceiling that Hillary made the cracks in is an entirely different ceiling than the one Sarah must conquer.

(More advice for Sarah: wear pants when it happens, girlfriend!)

The ceiling Sarah must conquer is the one that says pretty girls can't be smart, too. Somebody out there thinks that's not fair. (females) And somebody out there thinks Sarah is there for their enjoyment. (Males, and indeed, some females)

This is not a new problem. When a prophet we'll call Samuel went to King David's house prior to him becoming king for the purpose of calling him out and anointing him for said position, young David was out in the fields with the sheep. No problem for Samuel, because he could see that one of David's brothers was surely the one the Lord would choose. I mean, look how good looking and robust he was! But Eliab was not the ONE: Go get the skinny worshiper/dreamer in the fields...

Even Samuel, a prophet of God made the mistake of letting the outward appearance dictate who HE thought that person was or should be. So, as the wise writer of the book of Ecclesiastes said, (We'll call HIM Solomon) "..There is nothing new under the sun."

But God doesn't look at the outward appearance like we do! Believe it or not, God loves you just as much when you roll out of bed Maybelline free as when your makeup and hair is in place! I know, seems impossible. And, you are who YOU ARE not according to how you look, but rather, who you be. Who be you??

Listen, I'll be honest here. If I had to hang around Sarah, I'd be JEALOUS. She's smart, beautiful, loves God and JOGS. But those things are not the real problem. The real problem is my jealousy! You've heard the saying, "Don't shoot me, I'm just the messenger" ??

Hear me now.

If I have a problem with, let's call it JEALOUSY, than the fact that Sarah might bring that out in me is NOT HER PROBLEM. She's really only the messenger that brings it out in me: The jealousy is mine. I don't like it, I don't want it to be that way, but if I'm really going to be downright-dirty-honest about it, it EXISTS. I need to crucify it, because I'll tell you this: The jealousy that wants something it cannot have is the same spirit that will KILL someone, I kid you not. Read about, let's call them Cain and Able, if you don't believe me.

I remember writing before about jealousy and envy and the difference between them. Dictionary-wise, jealous is what you are when something that is yours is in the hands of someone else: Envy is what you feel when someone has something that DOES NOT BELONG TO YOU.

So for the sake of this argument we are more accurately speaking of envy.

When we envy someone, we do not walk in who we are, (rather, who we BE) but we walk in hatred of someone who is what we want to be but ARE NOT. So, we do not walk in WHAT WE ARE. Get it? It's a lousy trap, and the king of envy loves it when we get caught up in that trap. (Let's see, what shall we call him?? Ask the Church Lady, she'll tell you!)

So, I pray that we will not ultimately see Sarah as pretty, (OK, gorgeous), Obama as black, and John Mccain as the old white guy. I personally don't want peoples respect for me to change when I get wrinkles (too late!) or if I gain or lose weight, or get a real good tan and get mistaken for someone who is black. Okay, okay, Asian. OKAY! I know that will never happen 'cause I'm SO white and couldn't get a dark tan if you paid me.

Anyway, I think and hope and pray there is a generation coming up that will no longer judge by the hearing of their ears and the seeing of their eyes (Isaiah 11:3-4) but will determine the truth in the light of God's truth.

Trust me: What a glorious day that will be!







And He will delight in the fear of the LORD, And He will not judge by what His eyes see, Nor make a decision by what His ears hear; But with righteousness He will judge the poor, And decide with fairness for the afflicted of the earth; And He will strike the earth with the rod of His mouth, And with the breath of His lips He will slay the wicked. Isaiah 11: 3-4

The strangest behaviors can be observed by you if you are willing to have one of three events: You can have all three, but you might not live through it. (Someone definitely won't live through the funeral, but that's another story). I am talking about having a

1) Wedding, or a
2) Funeral, or a
3) Baby.

That's right. Have one of those events, and see the sparks fly. Normally sane people go off-the-wall, and if you are a sociologist you get a LOT of material from these events.

Take a wedding, for example.

You and your espoused decide to have a nice wedding, big or little, to celebrate your blessed event. You' re going along pretty well, and then BAM! The fun begins.

You have that great Aunt Somebody-or-other who lives somewhere that you went when you were six. All of a sudden, she gets the invitation your mom made you send her, and she's planning your wedding. Soup to nuts, folks, and I mean NUTS. She makes the dress that doesn't fit, she "knows someone" who can make the cake, etc, etc. And if you let this happen, it won't be over for you until the "fat lady sings" and that would be, you got it, your Aunt: Whom you hardly knew but all of a sudden were deemed to be "Kindred spirits." Pull out some spirits, because it's gonna be a long one and you're going to need to cope. You haven't even dealt with all of the "best friends" who want to be in the wedding also: Take my advice. Elope NOW. Better to say you're sorry than ask for permission, eh? (I'm talking to YOU, Canada)

If that's not enough excitement for ya, try having a funeral. In fact, get out your binoculars even BEFORE the Infirm One passes, because you will see the gold-diggers coming! Am I RIGHT?? You've got people fighting over jewelery, people claiming dusty works-of-art, people procuring lawyers "just to be on the safe side" and indeed, your great Aunt WILL be singing at the funeral. Hallelujah! The only one who will have a good time at this event is the person no longer with us, if you know what I mean.

And, if you endure all of this and STILL have a heart for adventure, (besides the fact you might be certifiable) you can have a baby.

That's right, even THIS event will not spare you the invasion of the Formerly Unknowns. If you have trouble with a name, need a sitter, (they won't do it themselves, they just "know someone") want or don't want some hand-me-downs, need medical advice..you name it. You had no idea there were so many people in your walls, did you?


And you thought the Amish didn't let people on their property for religious reasons. Hah!

Anyway, it can be quite a painful ordeal, which those of you who have endured one or all of these events already know. Trust me: If one of these events goes smoothly for you, you are the recipient of a MIRACLE. But whatever you do, don't tell anyone...

Miracles are the only other events that can bring them out of the woodwork...!






"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32